don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
sarcasm needs its own font
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
