Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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