my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
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I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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