Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
