Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
