gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
