He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
