I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
