I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
