my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
