so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
