I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
