She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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