I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
