Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
