I murdered the dance floor call the cops
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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