Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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