my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
