Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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