I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
