Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Church boner. Awkwardddd
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Drake has all the answers
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
