whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Randomize
