it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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