Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
