You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
