The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
