I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
