im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
