I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
pray to the hookup gods
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
