so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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