Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I hate all girls vehemently.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
