Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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