I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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