Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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