She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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