Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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