he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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