I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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