Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
