dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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