I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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