OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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