you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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