She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
