i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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