You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
did i just pee glitter
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
