if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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