i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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