he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
