I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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