Are we in a gay sports bar?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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