did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
