come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
