your thong is hanging out like whoa
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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