My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
