Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
