don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
