2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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