we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
