The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
