I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
All the doctor said was why
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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