Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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