Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
