he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
