North Korea, Best Korea!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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