Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
