You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
