I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
