Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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