she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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