somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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